Unpacking and De-cluttering

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So, I’ve been packing for a trip to Chicago, for a school related community volunteer event, and it made me think of how I moved a couple of months ago for school.  Now, as an army brat, I’ve always been used to packing, unpacking, packing again, unpacking again, and etc.  However, my most recent move was one that I considered symbolic to me in a sense.  When I began packing all of my belongings, I began to find so much stuff.  Some of the items were things I had forgotten about, whereas others were things I’ve been searching for and overlooking. Going through my belongings brought back memories, some good and some not so pleasant. Of course, me being the slight hoarder that I was (don’t judge me I’ve changed since 2 months ago), I packed up most of it and took it with me to my new place.

When I began to unpack, especially doing it alone, I realized that I needed to throw most of those things away. I was holding on to unnecessary stuff that was just going to clutter up my apartment. This move was simultaneous to a reflection period that I was having about life. Looking at the bags of trash and how much more room I now had, I was happier. Then, it caused me to say this is what I have to do with the mental/emotional baggage and the people/habits that aren’t conducive to my growth.  After this epiphany, I went through all of my stuff AGAIN and started giving away old, new or unused stuff and that is how I am now sharing my past experiences. Someone can use those tangible/physical items that I was holding on to, and someone can use the lessons from my experiences to help them also.

I can’t even describe how much better  I feel, now that I have begun the “de-cluttering” process. When I got rid of what I didn’t need, it made room for what I did need.  Getting rid of the old, made MORE than enough room for the new 😉

Take care,

P.S. Go throw something away, (in a trash receptacle though, I can’t stand people who litter >:-O )

 

Schadenfreude

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” To feel envy is human, to savor schadenfreude is devilish” – Arthur Schopenhauer

Schadenfreude is defined as malicious satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune or discomfort. Ever get super excited when you see someone else is down, especially when its an enemy of  yours? You do know that you’re wrong right?  The perfect example of this is when Osama was killed in 2011 (supposedly).  People were tootsie rolling and doing the running man in the streets when the news announced that he was taken out of the game. Ok, yes people were, and are still, tired of family members being sent off to fight this “war on terror”. Now, I am not a 100% sure of everything Osama has ever done and he was very wrong for heading terrorists groups that were killing innocent people and etc. I don’t want to get into a debate of the facts but basically no matter what person has done, I personally don’t feel as though we should laugh at their “calamity”. It should be a lesson learned though.

There are people who have done me wrong, whether it was intentional or not, I would never go and spread what it was nor will I have a field day relishing in the fact that something unfortunate has happened to them.  Karma is real and person reaps what they sow of course, but you should pray for them. Even if it is challenging. Your prayer and love could be the very thing that causes a person to see the error in their ways and improve their life. DO NOT get me wrong, depending on what a person has done to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be their best friend at ALL but  just leave it at that.  You aren’t supposed to subject yourself to torture and unhappiness in dealing with someone who doesn’t mean you any good, because they have some inner demons that they have to deal with. When I look back at some of the wrong I’ve done or others, I see that they had reasons behind it. It does not justify it or soften the blow but it does remind me that I will not engage in any behavior that mocks anything that happens to them that is unfavorable. Just like you and I, a person has to learn and they may not ever go back to being that way again. Remember that you have a skeleton or 7 in your closet, how would you feel if everyone flipped the script on you?

Remember be positive, it just takes one and taking time out to make someone else look bad or gossiping about their misfortune speaks volumes about you.

How to Love….

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Ok I will admit that this blog was inspired by two things that are recent. One being Lil Wayne’s song, and another being something that we discussed at bible study a week ago. So its stated in Mark 12:31 “Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.” Now, I grew up in church before going wayward in my early adult life, and heard this repeatedly. Not until I came back and rededicated my life this year, did I honestly grasp the magnitude of this statement. There were two new commandments mentioned in Mark 12, verse 30 tells you the other which is basically love the Lord with your spirit, mind, EVERYTHING. If no other commandments are greater than these, then this is what we really need to base our life around.

QUESTION: How can we love someone else if we don’t even know how to love ourselves? Or don’t even know what love is really? I personally think it starts with your parents or guardians, they are traditionally our first teachers and prepare us for the world the best way they know how. I always knew my mom loved me but when my parents were divorced I felt like my father did not love or care as much as he should have. That alone had an effect on my relationships and dealings with men. Instances like these cause people to harden their hearts or seek out love, even in the wrong places. Trust, compassion, genuineness and loyalty are all gone according to the world.

But….God is love and when you decide to focus on that, you become less and less like the world. When I decided that I’d take time out to fill out any void by actually focusing on loving myself, I did not know where to start honestly. First off, I did not even think I wasn’t loving myself, but it became evident in a situation or two. I then remembered that if God is love, I have to study that, meditate in that, practice that. If and when I hurt others, it was definitely never in my intentions to do so….but guess what? You’re right, if a person doesn’t love themselves and didn’t know how to show it, how could they treat the next person right? People are doing the best that they know how, majority of the time, but now its time to figure out what is the best way and the RIGHT way to love and treat others?

Align yourself up spiritually for direction, understanding and wisdom. Love one another and be a community. It shouldn’t be a reason for us to be separate, full of hate and anger and at the end of it all: hurting ourselves. Let’s LOVE ourselves and each other.

May as well add the “How to Love” link lol

“See ya had a lotta moments that didnt last forever…..”

Breaking the Cycles

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When something is done repetitiously, we call it a pattern or a cycle.  This often happens with our behaviors, especially negative or detrimental ones.  It can only take a few occurrences to make a behavior become habitual.  I was at a point last year, where I realized that I was on my way to creating a vicious cycle but I wanted to overcome it before I started a pattern that I may possibly be not able to turn from. Then there were other habits that I did not even recognize until I took time to reflect.

RECOGNITION:

You have to figure out what serves as a catalyst for that behavior. A lot of the time habits are something that is done impulsively and without thinking.  It could be something from your past or a compilation of events and situations. Taking time to cogitate is the best start. There were a lot of things that I pushed out of my memory, or so I thought, in order to act as if it’s behind me.

CHANGE:

First off,  you have to actually have the conviction and burning desire to want to change for yourself. We oft, try to please others and “change” but its not genuine. Do it for yourself, not to appease others. The enemy will come along and make you feel like the cycle is something that can not be broken but at the end I’ll have some verses that you can use to be encouraged. You will have thoughts like “everyone is still going to look at me as if I am the same person” or “it’s not possible to change” or “I am already too damaged, who’d want me now?”.  You can NOT worry about that, the end result is worth it and the rest will fall into place. The battle is all mental…you have the power and upper hand.

OVERCOMING:

When you face and embrace the mistakes and patterns of behavior that you’ve decided to change, that is when you’re able to put it behind you. A lot of us like to justify why we do things and become comfortable in that. You have to be honest with yourself, even if it hurts. That is the only way you’d be able to actually overcome and defeat this thing. REMOVE yourself from any negative influences or anyone that will constantly throw things in your face. If someone can not accept the fact that you want to better yourself, oh well honey. Keep it pushing.

FORGIVENESS:

Forgive yourself and take time to heal. Also, forgive others who you were blaming for your behavior. When you are hurt you either blame every thing that ever happened to you on yourself (I used to do this) or you blame everyone else.  Either way, you will not feel freed and at peace until you forgive. When you ask of repentance, God forgives and forgets. We usually don’t forget that easily though but its ok, time heals all wounds. Surround yourself with the positive only.

Until the day that you die, you are a work in progress (sorry to be so frank about it). There will be challenges, especially depending on the length of time this cycle has been occurring but change is possible. Do not let anyone tell you any different. I know this has been said time after time, but it is true.

Here are some verses that help with overcoming sin of any kind and feel free to add any that you know in the comments:

John 8:34-36

Psalm 50:15

Romans 8:37

1Corinthians 15:57

James 4:7

Revelation 21:7

So let us start changing one bad habit at a time and encouraging others to do so also. Be blessed!

Self-validation and approval

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     I’ve been wanting to start a blog for the longest, but when I’d start writing I would get so hung up on “perfection”.  Am I doing this right? Does this make any sense? What are people going to think of it? So, I’d just stop and say I’ll come back later to do it.  That then put me into deep thought about my life.  I did not think I was this way but for some reason I’ve been searching for approval and validation of others, after a turn of events happened in my life. It is a little upsetting to me that it has taken me some years to realize that, however it has a lot to do with things that happened in my youth on up.  The fear of looking bad to others and the fear of making mistakes period, has crippled me.

     How does one start working towards self-validation? How do you get over what others have to say or think?  Well, I am on this journey now. I’ve been realizing that you’re never going to satisfy everyone at all. Even if you were on JESUS status your entire life, someone is still going to be unhappy with you. You have to find peace within yourself with your life.  Secondly, people do not know your whole story. They don’t know everything that you’ve been through or if a mistake is made public, they aren’t aware of everything that truly occurred behind the scenes.  For me, being a perfectionist has made it where I am so much harder on myself when I mess up. Then, I start to feel horrible, when I think that another person sees me in a negative light, especially when my intentions weren’t to look that way. However, the fact that I am human and know that I am forgiven in repentance and I’m always changing is making me a happier person. I’ve been one to self-evaluate since my teens and I should be at peace that I do so.  I will overcome this and win this battle. If you’re going through something similar, I pray you will too 🙂

Any thoughts? Leave a comment!